Leading well begins with self. Finishing well in leadership begins by growing personally today in how you lead you in the areas that no one can see. So here are 21 key questions you can ask yourself in order to assess where you may need to grow the most.

Keep in mind that your answers to these questions aren’t meant to be shared with anyone except potentially your personal mentor.

21 Self-Leadership Questions

  1. How do I deal with negative people?
  2. How much self-control do I have with things that I know are bad for me, but tend to indulge in?
  3. Who am I accountable to when no one is watching?*
  4. How do I respond to situations that I have no control over?
  5. How do I respond when plans change or plans get canceled without my say so?
  6. How do I deal with stressful situations? Do I tend to worry a lot? What else do I do?
  7. How do I respond to situations that force me to get out of my comfort zone?
  8. How do I deal with setbacks?
  9. How do I deal with being misperceived or misunderstood?*
  10. How well do I follow through on what I promise?
  11. How do I deal with emotional pain?*
  12. How do I respond when I make a mistake or when I fail at something?
  13. How do I deal with other people’s mistakes and unpleasant behavior?
  14. How do I deal with uncertainty, the unknown or a future event that I have no control over?
  15. How do I deal with people who have hurt me in the past?
  16. How do I take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually?
  17. How do I spend my free time?*
  18. How do I deal with the violence, hate, and suffering in the world?
  19. How do I recharge, rejuvenate, and replenish my energy?
  20. How fulfilling is my everyday life?
  21. How am I investing in myself physically, mentally and emotionally?


Growth is a leaders fountain of youth. Your responsibility is to pursue growth as much as you pursue your purpose. The key, however, is knowing when and where growth is most needed. Use these questions to help you assess and target your energy in a specific area to grow in.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, be sure to share it with a friend and follow this blog by signing up with your email so you’ll never miss a post. In the comments below share about what question challenged you the most and which one was the most motivating!

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Mentors are NOT one size fits all.

This something I learned early as an ambitious young leader. I was ALWAYS looking (and still am) for who I could learn from next. This, by the way, is a good trait to have. However, I was never taught that not everyone who happens to know more than me in my field of work, or an area of life that I wanted to grow in, was the right mentor for me. As a result of my ignorance in this I had a few unfortunate coffee dates with potential mentors where we both walked away probably thinking, “Let’s NEVER do that again!” While there were others that I happened upon that was the perfect fit!

“Mentors are NOT one size fits all.”

Nevertheless, mentorship is a significant part of our growth as leaders and it should be a consistent part as well. I eventually realized that some intentionality should go into selecting the people we’re asking to invest time and knowledge in us. We all need a tool or filter for how to successfully choose a mentor that we can learn from. While we can be informally mentored throughout our lives, formal mentorship takes intentionality.

“Nevertheless, mentorship is a significant part of our growth as leaders and it should be a consistent part as well.”

My foundational filter for selecting a mentor is two-fold. First, I look for someone who is living a principle that I want to learn. Whether it’s for becoming a better husband, a better son, a better employee or another area of life. If they’re living it out that’s my first ✓. The second thing I look for if I am unable to find someone who is already where I want to go is someone who is headed in the same direction but just ahead of me. That’s the second ✓. Then to those two, I add the following three filters.



The first thing we have to ask is, “How do I learn best?” This question is key. How we learn is essentially the container that we’ll use to help us hold on to the knowledge that our mentor passes on. Are you a hands-on learner? Are you visual? Are you an auditory learner? Knowing the answer to this question will help us walk away from that mentorship with the most growth possible. It will help you and your mentor determine how to best navigate the teaching, coaching and learning experience.

Tip: An easy indicator of whether or not you know the answer is to think about how often you’ve wondered to yourself about why you learn really well sometimes but not all the time. If you think about that a lot, chances are you don’t yet know how you best learn and need to spend time figuring that out.


A common mistake people often make when entering into mentorship is thinking that they’re going to somehow learn everything from the mentor. This is unrealistic. The mentor will not be able to do that nor will we be able to learn it all. especially in short-term mentoring relationships. I learned that identifying a specific an item that I’d like to walk away with is far more successful.

For example, if you’re a Christian and you admire the spiritual walk of a more mature believer. Instead of trying to learn how to be as spiritual as they are. Try narrowing your focus to learning how to find consistency in your walk with God.

Here’s another example, if you’re new on the job with lots to learn, take few minutes to identify the area you feel the most pressure to deliver on. Identify a core item you can learn and use to improve that specific area on the job. After you’ve done this filtering, then go find a mentor to guide your learning that ONE thing. If you learn other things great!


This third and final filter will likely be one of the most practical tools for both you and your mentor DURING your mentorship. Before we identify a mentor to help us learn, we need to get a clear idea of just how long it may take you to learn it. A couple of hours? Days? Maybe months? My point is that Formal Mentorship should never have an indefinite timeline. That can turn into a dreadful thing for both parties. Whenever we’re entering into a mentoring relationship we should always establish a clear timeline.

If you’re both able to commit to an hour meeting once a month and you know you’ll need at least 3 hours to fully learn the idea or topic well, ask for four meetings. The fourth will reduce the pressure on the first three and allow room for flexibility.


Since mentorship is such an integral part of continuing to develop as a leader, we should have a tool or filter for how to successfully choose a mentor for ourselves. The following three are my filters.

  1. Know how you learn best
  2. Know what you want to learn
  3. Know the time you need

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, be sure to share it with a friend and follow this blog by signing up with your email. Also, if you have other ideas about great practices of self-leadership leave a comment! I’d love to learn from you!

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“There’s no in team.” At least that’s how the saying goes. It’s a saying that was always unsettling to me, but I never really thought about challenging it before. I never saw it’s connection to poor leadership. Actually, for a long time, I thought it was just my ever out-of-check pride that wanted some attention. It felt like I was the only one with a problem that the “I” was getting tossed to the side for the sake of the “we”. When the “I” was supposed to work hard for the success of the “we”. See my dilemma?

Losing the I in the We

This subtle but growing tension inside me kept swelling. I became secretly critical of team leaders and wondered if many of them really knew what they were doing. Some “Christian” I am, right? But, truth is truth and this was a real issue for me. I wanted to be certain that wherever I was, that I was being led well.

Over time I learned that this was not an individual issue. There are others who are tired and frustrated with being neglected for “we” and then expected to perform at 110% on an “I” level for the sake of we. Point is, there are more people who are looking for a place where they would be nurtured as a part of the team. Not discarded or overlooked by poor leadership in the name of corporate success.

Jesus and the Eye

Now, having been a Christian for a little while I knew that God had to have something to say about this. So I went searching through the pages of the Bible and lo and behold, a solution to my problem!

In Matthew Chapter 7, verses 3 to 5 Jesus makes a statement that I think many of us, Christian or not, know by heart. In this passage, Jesus is addressing the legalistic spiritual leaders of his day. Most of them were well-known for being extremely judgemental of other people’s relationship with God but Jesus was not having it. He very directly and sharply reprimanded this behavior.

This is what he said, “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but does not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matt. 7:3-5 ESV

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

In this context, Jesus is specifically talking about legalistically judging the spiritual walk of others in a demeaning or prideful way. The big idea was that how you judge others in this context, you will also be judged by God.

“Rarely, if ever, did I stop to ask if I was a good leader, or more specifically, am I a good leader of me?”

Are You under Poor Leadership?

For such a long time I had been so focused on being led well that the only things I was able to see were the gaps in other people’s leadership skills. Rarely, if ever, did I stop to ask if I was a good leader, and more specifically, am I a good leader of me? I was picking at the speck in other people’s leadership but ignorant of the log of my poor self-leadership.

This is my bottom line: Great team-players are committed self-leaders. They recognize that a personal commitment to healthy self-leadership of “I” will result in less frustration and more success with “we“.

Being a team leader myself at the moment, this couldn’t be a more pertinent truth. I currently lead a team of about 30 people that is still growing. My team is dynamic and fluid. Ranging from college students to those who are old and wise enough to replace me if needed. I learned quickly that if I am going to lead my team well, I need to learn to lead me well. No one else is going to take responsibility for my personal growth and development, that is my job.

Our growth in time management, physical fitness, psychological and emotional balance, spiritual maturity, or even healthy dietary habits, all of which are essential to longevity in anything we do, is never going to be someone else’s responsibility(or priority). Not to mention the need to attain or sharpen the skills necessary for the particular career or field of work we’re in or desire to be in. It’s vital then, that we make sure these needed skills are on our radar and are in good health and growing consistently. The more efficient we are at leading ourselves, the more effective we become at leading others.

The Principle of Self-Leadership

“I learned quickly that if I am going to lead my team well, I need to learn to lead me well.”

What’s also great about this, is that it’s what I would like to call a life principle. Meaning, it’s transferable to other areas of life. Whether you’re hoping to improve your relationship with friends, family, spouse, colleagues, classmates or business partners, this principle is applicable. Wherever we function as an individual part of a larger team, we can employ the principle of self-leadership. It will reduce frustration and increase the success of the whole.

When I think about this principle, I often think about people like Lebron James, who plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Or Ben Roethlisberger, who is the current Quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Great athletes like Lebron and Ben, understand this principle well because it is necessary to achieve greatness in team sports. Poor leadership gets you fired in these arenas! These athletes commit to intense personal practice regiments in order grow as an asset to the team they belong to. When every team member shares this personal commitment, you’ve got a championship winning team.

“Great team players are committed self leaders.”

Where To Begin

So what’s next? How do we even begin to lead ourselves and overcome poor leadership? I suggest this simple activity you can use to begin so that you can achieve more success and reduce frustration.

This year I made an internal commitment to personal leadership and growth for the sake of others. This internal commitment has externally reshaped how I approach life, work, relationships and even leisure. I’m not suggesting you make the same commitment but I’ll share a key thing I did to get started. This activity will give you more clarity in how (and where) to begin to lead yourself. My hope is also to spark something inside of you that gets you going in a direction you’re excited about.

For this practice, you’ll need to create a three column – three-row document. Whether is a notebook or on a computer, it doesn’t really matter. As long as you’ll see it regularly.

Column 1

In this column, you’ll need to write down three areas of life where you’re a part of a “team”. I suggest three so that you don’t overwhelm yourself. You can tackle more if you want. These areas can include family, work, a volunteer team, or an organization that you lead as a part of team.

  1. Example 1: Family (Relationship with wife)
  2. Example 2: Work

Column 2

Use this column to identify and note one major area you need to grow in or be better led in. An area where your poor leadership is apparen – whether internal or external.

  1. Example 1: Family (Relationship with wife) –  “I want a more fun relationship with my wife.”
  2. Example 2: Work – “We need better training on how to use the new software.”

Column 3

This column is for you to write down what you can do to provide better leadership for yourself. This can include reading a book, taking a class, watching tutorials, finding a mentor, or just asking better questions.

  1. Example 1: Family (Relationship with wife) – “I can purchase a book on how to plan more creative dates.” (Or google it and find great ideas on Pinterest!)
  2. Example 2: Work – “I can find some tutorials on YouTube and share with my coworkers what I pick up.” or “I can ask Joe, who installed it if he’d be willing to walk me through it over lunch.”


The Pocket Potential for today:  If you’re frustrated with how you’re being led or really need to have more success in working with others, it may be time to take a look at how well you’re leading yourself. Poor leadership can be internal or external. Remembering that great team players are committed leaders of themselves. They have a personal commitment to self-leadership so that they can gain greater success with others. Unlock the potential of your team, personal relationships or organization by applying this principle daily.

How to Make it Count

Write it down – Don’t do this in your head. Our memories may be great, but let’s be real, they’re not that amazing. And if you’re like me, it just straight up sucks.

Be honest with you – This exercise isn’t to see how great or horrible we are. It’s also not meant to be shared with everyone. It’s about identifying how we can become greater than we are. In order to do that we have to take an objective look at where growth is needed. If necessary, find a trusted friend and ask them to provide feedback on areas where you can grow.

Plan with dates – Make a plan, put it somewhere you’ll see it and make sure you have deadlines! Set dates to start, dates to check in, and of course dates to celebrate. However you choose to do it, just make sure you put it on the calendar!

Well, I hope you enjoyed this post! If you did, be sure to share it with a friend and follow this blog by signing up with your email so you never miss a post. Also, if you have other ideas about great practices of self-leadership leave a comment. I’d love to learn from you!

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